Anime and Webtoon Oneshots
by Eggni
Summary: Oneshots of animes that I'm into (or that you request hehe ). My Hero, Bungou stray dogs, 7ds, you name it. I'll do angst, friendship, etc, but NO SMUT. That's it... have fun reading!
1. Dear Chibi

Dear Chibi,

Heh. Chibi~ my little chibi-chan, chibokko. My dog, my slug.

You're short, you know that? I'm sure you do. I remind you every chance I can get.

I'm even reminding you now. I'm such a nice owner, _ne_?

Aaaaaanyways. This is getting of topic.

I don't... I don't know what to say... damn...

Well, I guess I'll start here.

When we first met, I hated you. I'm ashamed to say I thought you were ugly and stupid and tiny.

I mean, you are tiny, but you're pretty handsome if I do say so myself.

When we first met, Mori forced us together.

Goddamn I hated that sadist, but I really appreciate him forcing us together.

Well.

It wasn't until later that I decided you weren't half bad.

When you hugged me through the night because I woke up from a nightmare, when you put your life in my hands for the first time and used _For the Tainted Sorrow_, even without knowing of my nullification abilities.

Now that I think about it, I shared a lot of my _firsts_ with you.

My first homemade meal was a breakfast that you cooked for me while I was sick. I teased you for it but I appreciated the gesture. The food was delicious, too, your food always is.

I bet you think I'm acting out of character, huh? It's been five years.

Oh? Five years...? Doesn't that mean... ah! Happy birthday, hatrack!

I hope you still wear that ugly fedora I bought you.

It cost a fortune, you know?

Anyways... happy five years.

The last time we met was as normal as always.

You groaned at seeing my face and I did too. I didn't miss the small smirk that played on your lips, though.

Well, I told you happy birthday, and that I missed toying with my little puppy.

You growled at me in return and insisted that I didn't need to show you my ugly face if I really wanted you to be happy.

I grinned and waltzed away as normal.

My grin dropped as soon as you couldn't see me.

I left you a 1989 Petrus at your home, along with a letter.

The letter didn't say much, just a few celebratory statements and '_met me where the sky meets the ground_'.

I'm sorry if I scared you.

On the front of this letter, it read 'open me when you're 27'.

I hope you did, you angry gnome.

If you didn't then there's no reason to this letter.

Well, happy birthday.

I never found something to fill my emptiness.

You might've been able to, but I don't think you'd give it a shot.

I'm kinda disgusting, right?

If my name has ever been dragged though the mud already, let me give it one final stomp.

I love you, Chuu-chan.

I'm very sorry if I made you sad.

Ja t'aime mon chere.

_I love you, my darling._

Happy birthday.

Chuuya cried silently as he clutched the letter.

It may have been his birthday, but it hadn't been _happy_ for five years.

It was the celebration of when he was born, yes, but also the celebration of his closest friend's departure.

The last words on the letter were as following.

"Goodbye, Chuuya. Please live for me. Fill the hole of Double Black that I have so selfishly created. Settle down, have a kid, live your life out in replace of mine. I'm dead, Chuuya. Move on. I'm sorry that we couldn't ever be together."

And so the red-head scanned the letter for what seemed like the 100th time, eyes blurring with the amount of tears spilling down.

He choked on his spit, a shuddering breath coming out of his mouth in the shape of a sob.

_I'm sorry I couldn't fill your emptiness, Dazai._

And so the short mafioso cried alone in his apartment, celebrating his 27th birthday and the loss of he who could've been so much more.

_I'm sorry._


	2. Drunk Confessions

**A/N: Guys, I'm actually so sorry for not updating. And also, sorry everything in this oneshot happens so suddenly and ends so abruptly, I really didn't know where to go from this prompt. That being said, I would really like if someone took these small 'lil things and actually made a story of of them. Anyways, enjoy.**

_"Rachel. Where's Baam?" The pale blue haired regular practically cooed, voice laced with this sickly sweet tone, a tone that did not suit the cocky genius one bit._  
It had been six years since then.  
Kuhn had gathered a team, a team of people that were all powerful, that all had a vital attribute to climb the tower, working in perfect harmony.  
Yet... every time someone tried to be nice to him, comforted him, _hell_, even just did something like make dinner... it reminded him of...  
"No." Kuhn declared at dinner one night.  
Everyone had turned to look at their leader with confusion written on their faces.  
"No... what?" Dann, the scout, had asked.  
The others just glared at the new member, he had not yet learned that you don't ask the leader questions of any kind unless you wanted to die. They were all surprised when they heard his answer.  
"No to the world. It's unfair." Kuhn frowned, staring into the distance.  
Everyone eyed the bottles of alcohol in the center of the table. One of them was empty and right in front of the azure-eyed male. At once, their eyes all started glowing menacingly, the group getting up in unison and surrounding the drunk.  
"_Why_ is the world unfair?" Ran asked, the only one who hadn't tried to smother him.  
"Because... it took _him_ away from me." Kuhn pouted.  
He pouted. He actually pouted.  
"Who?" Nobic smirked.  
"Baam."  
"Who's Baam?" The spear-bearer pressed.  
"Baam is my world."  
"And?"  
"H-he died... because of... Rachel." Kuhn slurred, hatred in his eyes. "She _killed_ him. She _killed_ my world."  
"Were you and this... Baam guy... friends?" Nobic inquired carefully.  
"Yes!" Kuhn growled. "But he's gone."  
The room fell into silence after that. _Who was Baam, and how did he get Kuhn Aguero Agnis, the ice king, to befriend him?_  
"Tell us about him." Ran requested.  
"He was like the sun. He was innocent, and pure, and would follow me to the ends of the tower. He trusted me with all his heart." The pale blue haired male scoffed. "I'll kill her. I really will."  
Kuhn was not your average drunk. His intellect was not at all affected, only his common sense and cold act leaving his free mind.  
Right at that moment, a... creature thing busted in their small abode.  
At once, everyone stood at the ready, their weapons drawn.  
"Where is that cocky turtle?!" The compacted crocodile screamed, red eyes ablaze with hatred.  
Kuhn had an enemy?  
"Tell me turtles! Tell the mighty Rak Wraithraiser-" it stopped mid sentence, locating Kuhn. "You little- I'll show you what-" it stopped again, analyzing him, cold exterior melted to make the boy have his arms around his knees that were pulled up to his chest, eyes teary and alcohol in his hand. Immediately he stopped, tromping over to him.  
"Black turtle is alive, why are you moping? My prey wouldn't die like that!" All signs of hostile intent had evaporated, cockiness and pride replacing it.  
"You're drunk... aren't you?" Rak asked.  
Kuhn nodded miserably.  
At this, the alligator stood up, and smacked him.  
Apparently he could be cured by being hit.  
"Alligator? What the hell... my head hurts." Kuhn whined.  
"You got drunk. Dumb turtle." Rak scolded, hitting Kuhn in the stomach with tremendous force, causing him to slam into the wall and start coughing up blood.  
Everyone winced, silently praying that Jahaad have mercy on this stranger's soul.  
Yet, the expected return never came. Everyone looked at their leader, trying to analyze themself what was wrong, why he didn't strike back.  
He sat where he had been thrown, blood staining his white shirt, looking at his hands.  
"Black turtle's not dead, he's my prey! So let's find him and go up the tower together again!" Rak yelled.  
That seemed to snap Kuhn back into a state of mind, but still not his normal one. "Baam is gone! Stop it with your... your twisted ideals, he's gone! Nothing is going to change that, not even Jahaad himself!" He yelled, yelled it. His normally calm demeanor completely disappeared.  
Kuhn had pure rage and betrayal in his eyes. Never had he felt so angry and... sad.  
"I wish he'd come back, for it to be the three of us! Just us, climbing the tower! Without him has felt like a dream, no matter if I'm one of the ten families, or a powerful light-bearer, but Bamm is never coming back."  
The room had once again been rendered into silence.  
"Kuhn..." Nobic murmured, more of confusion then assurance or empathy.  
Ran grunted.  
The door opened.  
There stood Jue Viole Grace, who had chosen that moment to come in, after listening to the whole conversation.  
"You. The slayer candidate."  
In that moment, Kuhn summoned his lighthouses, the blue glowing cubes threateningly looming over the brown haired boy who's eyes were unseeable under the mop of hair.  
"W-wait!" Viole called out.  
His voice...  
"You... you sound a lot like someone I know. Sorry, I-"  
"M-Mr. Kuhn... Mr. Rak?" Viole tried again.

"..."  
The two who's names had been called froze, knowing only one person that would address them is such a way.  
"B-Baam...?"  
"Black Turtle!"  
Alligator was the first to react, slamming Kuhn's lighthouses into the floor in a beeline to the Slayer Candidate, who was crushed with a hug.  
"I knew you weren't dead! My prey wouldn't die like that!"  
Kuhn was next, completely ignoring the cubes and walking at first, gradually increasing to a sprint towards the boy, pushing Alligator away and tackling him.  
"Mr. Kuhn!" Baam grinned, his bangs falling from his face to reveal large, innocent, gold eyes.  
Everyone sweatdropped. Kuhn had friends. And one of them worked for FUG. And his eyes were... so sweet...  
"But... the Floor of Tests, what happened?" Kuhn asked, standing up and brushing himself off.  
"Umm..."  
"Okay, you don't have to answer. Why are you a... Slayer Nominee?"  
"T-they... FUG... the memorials rings that were given to you, they're trackers! They said they were gonna kill you a-and..." Baam whimpered.  
"Oh. I'll throw it away then. Have some more faith in your friends." Kuhn joked, chuckling lightheartedly.  
"What kind of training did Kuhn put you through?" Nobic inquired.  
"Training? Mr. Kuhn? Who are they?"  
"Oh. They're temporary teammates. You came back though, so I don't need-"  
"That's mean!" Baam scolded, hands on his hips.  
"Stop ignoring your superior, turtles!" Rak screamed.  
The other two just laughed.  
The rest of the night, the regulars and one irregular joked and made small talk, a small bright corner in the dark dark road up ahead.


	3. Captain?

**A/N: Again, It's an abrupt ending. This is actually a pretty good story idea though, so please make this into one, whoever's reading this!**

On that day, the day where seven souls got sucked into a different world, a world where powers were normal, the whole fate of the planet changed.  
None of them knew it yet, but their six other comrades had a similar situation bestowed upon them. Watch as the Seven Deadly Sins meet again, and become heroes together.

Izuku Midoriya was born quirkless. It was his fate. But the day where he met _him_, everything changed.  
"Ne, Meliodas-Kun! Wait _up_!" A green haired freckled boy called out.  
"Gomenasai," The blond laughed in response.

It was a very special day. A day in which the main event was the entrance exams for the most prestigious hero school, UA.  
"Are you nervous Izuku-Kun?" Meliodas asked, looking as carefree and relaxed as ever.

"Of course! What about you?"  
"Well, I know I'll pass."  
"I wish I could be as confidant as you!"  
"Well you do have One For All, right?"  
"Y-yeah, but- wait what?!"  
Meliodas stopped walking, looking at the broccoli boy who had frozen mid-step. "What's wrong?"  
"H-how did you k-know about..." Izuku started but failed to finish his statement, starting to mumble.  
"Teehee! I have my ways!"  
The rest of the wall was silent.  
Meliodas and Izuku parted, walking to their seats separately.  
Little did the Captain of the Seven Deadly Sins know, all of the rest of the crew plus Elizabeth had also decided to take the test today, grouping them in a compact area.  
The rules were explained, and the participants were let loose.  
Meliodas had already killed a few faux-villains, making sure to appear to be struggling a bit. A couple minutes later, he heard a familiar voice. Ban?  
"Yo!" The blonde called out.  
"What do you want?"  
"Ah, that's not nice, bad Ban!" Captain scolded, hitting the boy upside the head with a beer mug that seemingly appeared out of nowhere.  
"Wait- Cap'n!" The immortal man yelled.  
"You look _younger_." Meliodas observed.  
"You look... exactly the same." Ban raised his eyebrows.  
Both of them stared each other in the eye intently.  
"You two! If there's a problem, then-" Iida who had just arrived tried to split them up due to the hostile air, but failed. He failed because they both started jumping up and down. "_What the..._"  
"Ban!"  
"Cap'n!"  
"Ban!"  
This whole ritual continued for a while, until they started playing a weird game of patty-cake.  
At that, Ban got punched through a wall, hitting a three pointer and tearing a hole through that too.  
He stayed down a bit, steam coming off his body, before hopping right back to his feet, broken limbs no longer.  
"Cap'n!" He shouted, hitting Meliodas through a different wall, bashing through two one pointers.  
The duo giggled uncontrollably, the Sin of Wrath seeming to not be hurt in the slightest. This was the weirdest sight to see, and Iida had to sit through it all.  
Then, they both threw themselves to the ground, arms tangled together.  
"I won last time!" The silverette yelled.  
"Yeah, well you said it yourself, you got younger and I didn't change!" The blonde replied.  
An announcement came blaring to life, declaring the Zero-Pointer being brought out.  
Meanwhile, the arm wrestling competition did not halt, a strong wind blowing out from the yelling two. A wind that made the giant robot shred into nothing but scraps of metal.  
"I win!" Meliodas cheered.  
"Only because I went easy." Ban retorted.  
Inside the control room, everyone sweardropped.  
"Those kids... they destroyed everything by mistake..."

Ban and Meliodas were walking together, Izuku trailing behind.  
"If we're here then are the rest of the sins?"  
"Probably."  
"How'd we end up here even?"  
"Probably because of fa- The Demon King."  
The slip up didn't go unnoticed by Ban.  
"What were you about to say?"  
"Hm?"  
"Don't play dumb, fa what?"  
"Nothing."  
"Come on!"  
"I said nothing."  
"But-"  
Meliodas released threatening energy.  
"Never mind." Ban scoffed. "Buzzkill."  
The blonde smiled and stopped in his tracks. Not even looking behind him, he addressed the broccoli.  
"Coming Izuku?"  
"A-Ah, gomenasai," Deku muttered in embarrassment.  
"Cap'n, you found a replacement for me already? And it's a kid?" Ban whined, face in mock betrayal.  
"Yup!" Meli grinned, continuing to walk.  
"Anyways, how don't you look older?" The sin of greed asked.  
"Well I didn't get younger. See, I've looked this way since I was... well, really young, and when I came to this world, it wasn't from reincarnation."  
"I knew you weren't a human, but _damn_! You _never_ answer the questions I ask!"  
Deku tilted his head to the side. "What are you talking about Ban? Meliodas-Sama answers every time."  
"But not _honestly_," Ban grumbled.  
By now the trio had made it to the entrance to UA.  
"Wow, the entrance is a little intimidating," the Fox sin smirked, as relaxed as ever.  
"What are you talking about? It's tiny, Diane would have to crouch in her normal form," Meliodas commented.  
"Gee, stop being such a kill-joy!"  
The tree of them walked into the classroom. Ban and Meliodas froze, feeling eyes staring at them.  
"S-sir Meliodas?" Elizabeth gasped.  
Mineta was staring at the goddess with his perverted eyes, mumbling about how she had the body of an angel.  
"Captain?" King asked, floating on Chasteifol in pillow form like normal.  
"Captain!" Diane squealed.  
"Hello," Gowther greeted.  
Merlin nodded in recognition, and Escanor followed after 'his lady's' lead, doing the same.  
"Oh look we're all here," Meliodas said in his Chibi form.  
Elizabeth launched herself into him, her chest right on his face.  
"I missed this," The demon said with no ill-intention in his voice.  
"Pervert!"  
"Ne, Hawk?"  
The once pig was now a boy with pink hair and large black eyes.  
"Cool you're a human! What's your quirk?" The demon asked.  
"Transformation," Hawk answered, turning back to a pig.  
"Oh, so like King."  
"H-hey!" The fairy shouted.  
"Oh yeah!" Diane's eyes lit up, causing Harlequin to blush.  
"Y-Yeah, like me..." he mumbled, blushing.  
Meanwhile, the teacher came in.  
"Get dressed and go to the field or whatever." The sleepy caterpillar groaned, surprising everyone.  
After a while they were all out there.  
"Hey Cap'n," Ban smirked.  
"Yeah?"  
"Whoever loses pays for dinner."  
"Deal!"  
"It's very irresponsible to be making bets in class!" Iida shouted, hand going up and down like normal.  
"It's rude to yell at people," Ban retorted.  
"Make bets or whatever, this is a fitness test with quirks included," Aizawa grunted.

**A/N: Again, ****_please_**** make this into another separate story and tell me! I'd be ****_so_**** happy!**


	4. OP Gamer

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated much, I've been really busy with school and such, but no excuses. Here's for all you fellow Gamer readers. Enjoy!**

Jihan Han POV  
"Master..." I mumbled.  
I hope they had gotten back safe... I'd be able to fight my way out, but if they came back... well... I'd probably just open another portal and push them through again. Still though... I didn't realize how OP the luck stat was until now. I should really get that upgraded. Hmm... how many points did I have again? Oh well, I can check later.  
Damn, I'm hungry. What's for dinner? Is Master gonna stay over again?  
Wait, I had to fight. I wasn't going to waste any more intelligence asking questions.  
"Skill menu!" I declared out loud.  
The list popped up, showing all my skills. Oh Jeez, there were a lot.  
"I haven't used energy drain... should I?"  
To many options...  
Ah! I didn't have to fight! I could just run! They might drop loot though? Was it worth it?  
I could use the party menu to call Master and ask what I should do.  
"Master," I asked, after clicking the microphone button.  
"Jihan! Are you okay?" The worried reply came back.  
"Master should I fight? They might drop loot, but they're all three-digit level... I can't even see _what_ specifically..."  
"Eh? No, come back!"  
"Alright. I can come back later with Seonil anyways."  
"What? No, don't go back!"  
"Why?"  
"What do you mean wh- just come back, I'm ordering you as your master."  
"Ah, that's a dirty trick. Fine."  
I hung up, sighing. "Sorry, no Karma right now. Douchery!"  
"What's tha-"  
She paused. No time to waste!  
I smashed space again, jumping through as fast as possible. Thank god for douchery. But now... my luck stat is really low... dang it.  
I prayed to the abyss that I'd get home, and when I opened my eyes...  
"Eh? Seonil?"  
"Jihan? What are you doing here?"  
"Well, you see, since my luck stat isn't high enough, when I got out of hell I came here instead of h- oops."  
"You went to _hell_?" He glared, eyes burning.  
"I-um... well you see... Master got stuck in hell... so I had to get her, and- uh, it's not master's fault! Just saying!"  
I dug a deeper hole for myself. I quickly called Master Lolikiano again.  
"Master I'm gonna die!" I yelped, giving Seonil a wary glance.  
"You are?! Where are you I'll help you fight!" She yelled.  
"Eh? Oh I'm not in hell. I used douchery to get out. Seonil is gonna kill me."  
"Oh, okay! I'll be right there. Your map thing is so cool!"  
I ran as fast as I could.

"Jihan!" Master yelled, descending from above like an angel. My beat-up face was swollen.  
"Yeon han principal!"  
"Jihan! How'd you escape?"  
"Ah, well I used douchery, a mez skill, to paralyze her, then made another dimensional crack and escaped."  
"What's douchery?"  
"Oh, here, watch."  
I put one hand on my hip, another in a peace sign up to my face, and yelled "Douchery!".  
Master froze for a while before coming back to her senses.  
"That's cool and embarrassing at the same time."  
"Hehe, I know."  
Suddenly, Seonil's cousin came out from a room. I looked at Master suspiciously.  
"Don't kill her," I whispered.  
She cocked her head to the side.  
"Jihaaaannnn~"  
"Uh oh..." I froze, and she pushed my head into her chest.  
"P-please stop it," I begged.  
Master sent her a death glare.  
"Who's this, _Jihan_?" The blue haired girl asked, letting go of me.  
I choked.  
"I'm his girlfriend," Master answered.  
"W-we're not dating!" I yelled.  
"We are, I'll prove it!"  
"N-no! There's nothing to prove!" I screamed.  
"Yes, there's nothing to prove." Seonil's cousin smiled sadistically.  
"I called dibs on you, remember?" She practically chided while pulling me foreword and kissing me. On the lips. I blushed, and got a notification.  
'Lolikiano has asked you out. Do you except?'  
"Nani?!"  
Master peeked from behind me, sending me an evil look.  
I swallowed hard then reluctantly clicked accept.  
"And that is how I met your mother."

**A/N: Lol, I'm kidding, that isn't how this short things ends. Anyways, I take requests! I'll do it if I know the anime or webtoon.**


	5. Deku, the actor

**A/N: If you actually read this, then I thank you. Anyways, this thing was just an idea I came up with in the middle of the night. It's really short. So yeah... enjoy?**

If you asked anyone that knew Katsuki Bakugou what he was like, the answer would be hot headed, confidant, loud, self-centered, anything along those lines.

If you asked people about Izuku Midoriya, the answer would be something like timid, shy, heroic, innocent, a broccoli, or anything like that.

What people didn't know, was that the two of them were dating. They weren't enemies, or even the tiniest bit hostile towards each other. It was all an act for the two's amusement.  
One day, Villains attacked UA.

Deku was the first target, and managed to beat all of them successfully, but didn't leave unscathed. In fact, he was basically dead by now. That brings us to the present.  
"Deku!" Uraraka screamed, looking at the figure of the boy fearfully.  
"That was manly of him," Kirishima solemnly muttered.  
"Get recovery girl!" Demanded Iida.  
Bakugou was at the back of the group, trying and failing to get to the front and rush to his stupidly brave boyfriend.  
"Move it extras!" He yelled, hands starting to sweat.  
No one listened.  
"Get out of the way!"  
And then explosions boomed.  
He had gotten enough sweat to blow everyone away but not critically harm them. One or two got the blunt of the attack.  
"Bakugou!" Iida reprimanded, once he got to the front, but the ashy blonde didn't hear him.  
He _couldn't_ hear him, the sight of his lover and childhood friend sprawled out on the floor to gruesome to notice anything else.  
"What are you doing?" Todoroki demanded, Katsuki making his way over to Deku. The explosion quirked-teenager completely ignored him.  
"You were always stupid," Bakugou scolded, cradling the boy's head.  
Izuku's eyes snapped open, gasping slightly.  
"K-Kacchan?" He stuttered.  
"Baka," Katsuki replied, eyes teary.  
Deku giggled a bit, trying but failing to sit up.  
Class 1-A was confused. Yesterday they were mortal enemies, and today they were the best of friends?  
Bakugou kissed Deku in the forehead, hugging the small boy.  
And now they were dating?  
"Explain," Mina demanded.  
Everyone told her everything, and the fact that she didn't notice that this was going on slightly hurt her pride.  
"Explain what, alien?"  
"You two are dating?"Todoroki questioned.  
"Got a problem with it half-and-half bastard?"  
"You have a boyfriend?!" Kirishima exclaimed.  
"Yeah, shitty hair, no kidding."  
And that ended the somehow most eventful day at UA so far. The next morning, the two came in holding hands, and Bakugou was smiling. Sincerely smiling. Generally smiling. It was creepy.


	6. Who is this man?

**A/N: Okay, this is legit a good idea. Modern day 7ds in BNHA world that all remember the past and have a new, male Elizabeth.**

Me and the rest of the sins were walking to a restaurant.  
The Commandments had retreated for a while, but only to gather power and make up for the loss they suffered.  
I had never stopped joking, but... Elizabeth had died. Again. Well, at least this time it was of old age... oh well. Right after, I didn't let the sins see her.  
I had to put up her little reincarnation for adoption, which broke my heart. Anyways, we didn't have a funeral, due to the lack of a body. To say that they were confused was an understatement.  
They all knew that I had never liked any girl other than Liz and Elizabeth, but they hadn't pieced together the dots. They also didn't realize that I was a prince yet, or that I had been the heir to the throne before I ran away.  
We got to the small cafe of which we had become regulars in, and sat at our usual table.

The waiter came up to us and asked our order, then nodded and went to the chefs. Something was off about him though... he had silver hair and long bangs covering one eye, almost like... wait. I had decided to stay away from reincarnations of Ellie, because every version of her would most likely die early due to figuring out the curse eventually, but seeing him made me realize I had missed her. Well, _them_, I guess. The boy came back to give us our food, tripping and splashing everything over me.  
Ban glared at him, saying, "Apologize to the captain, now." After Elizabeth's death, everyone became really protective of me.  
"You don't need to. Happens all the time." I smiled.  
"I-i am so s-sorry sir I-it won't happen again, I- I promise." He apologized over and over again, stuttering with embarrassment.  
"Again, no need. But can I ask, what's your name?" Everyone stared at me, I didn't blame them. I had _not_ been very social since _her_ death. In fact, nearing not taking to anyone that wasn't the sins.  
Well, she had died over and over again, and each time I got increasingly upset. This didn't go unnoticed by my small group, and they had all tried to cheer me up. Again.  
Anyways, the fact that this reincarnation was a boy was troublesome to say the least. As long as he was my Elizabeth though, I didn't care.  
"Elijah sir, I'm a new waiter here." That answered my question.  
"Excuse me." I ran into the bathroom and slumped onto the wall. It was her. But now, I didn't know how to react. Happy, sad, flirtatious? No, not the last one. But how would the sins react? Should I... tell them everything? How I betrayed the demon clan for a goddess, about Ellie's reincarnation and my immortality curse, and about my brothers...  
I should, after all, it's been long enough.  
I gathered my thoughts and emotions and slowly walked out of the bathroom. My comrades all looked worried, and Eliz- I mean Elijah had stayed.  
"If this is about earlier I'm s-"  
"I already told you, really, it's no problem. I'd just like a moment alone with my friends." He nodded and stumbled away. As clumsy as ever, I see.  
"Cap'n What the big deal?" Ban asked irritably, but with concern in his eyes.  
"You guys... don't know about my past, right?" I replied.  
"Hm? Oh yeah, we always thought that was kind of odd." King answered.  
"Whenever we wanted to talk to you about it, you'd avoid the topic..." Diane added.  
"Well, I've decided to tell you." My voice had it's usual cheeriness, but my bangs were covering my bright green eyes, and my smile nowhere to be seen.  
"Well, first of all, you all know I'm a demon right?" They nodded hesitantly.  
"Well to start out with, Gowther is a doll created by one of the Ten Commandments right before he died. This was a long time before any of _us_ met."  
Gowther tilted his head to the side, saying "oh, you decided to tell them... everything."  
Ban held up a hand, signaling a pause. "_He_ knew?! I thought _we_ were best buds!" He wasn't mad though, as his smirk was still plastered on his face.  
"Gowther... was in the Ten Commandments with me. He's not my friend, he's my comrade." "Wait you were in the Ten Commandments?!" Ban whisper screamed.  
I nodded, and Gowther pushed up his glasses. "That's why I don't and didn't reveal any of his memories."  
Everyone nodded again, but their faces had lost some of the initial excitement.  
"The fact that you're fighting the Ten Commandments means you betrayed the demon clan though, right?" King clarified.  
I muttered a quick yes, then continued with my past.  
"The reason they all seemed to be afraid of me is because... well, I'm more powerful than they are." I continued explaining, drawing it out as to procrastinate showing my true colors. "Hurry up Cap'n," Ban jeered.  
"He's right, I'll tell them. Meliodas is the eldest son of the demon king." Gowther's face was devoid of emotions while spilling my secrets, but I guess I gave the green light for that.  
I looked up at the faces of the sins. They were abnormally quiet. Merlin just shrugged because she already knew, Ban confused, Diane lost, King slightly worried, and Escanor fierce. Well, he couldn't fit through the door so he was on video.  
"For the record, I'm stronger than Escanor. Half of my powers were sealed away by myself as to not accidentally destroy the world, so there's a reference. I suppose I should explain why I'm not helping the demons." At this, everyone nodded again.  
"Well, we all remember Liz and Elizabeth, right? Their eyes showed sadness, both being close with both of them.  
"Well, the reason that they're named similarly is because their both Elizabeth." A confused silence. I chuckled sadly.  
"Elizabeth was the... supreme goddess' daughter."  
"WHAT?!" Ban screamed.  
"I see. That's why even for a goddess, her healing powers were remarkable." King remarked. I agreed.  
"She really was something... so much of a something I ran away with her. From my father, brothers, everything..." I trailed off, and continued "well, needless to say, my father and her mother found out... and they weren't happy. She was cursed to be indefinitely reincarnated, and I was cursed to never be able to die. That's why I came back to life when Estrossa killed me. He was crying because... well, who wants to kill your older sibling of which you've idolized your whole life? Little Esta was inseparable from me. And Zel... he probably hates me now." Tears ran down my face, the only sign that I was upset. Other than that, my stature was devoid of emotion. "That brings us to now. Elijah seems to be her next reincarnation, but I have to check his eye to make sure. Either ways, I love all versions of... them..." speak of the devil. The timid boy walked up to me and quietly asked  
"a-are you done now?" I smiled and nodded, quickly hiding my tears as to not worry him. "Yup! What's up?" I went back to my cheery self, feeling better now that everything had been revealed, but a little acting still came into play. The sins all took a double take at my complete personality 180, and they all looked at Elijah.  
"A-are you all okay? You look a little... sad..." he mumbled, looking at the rest of the group.  
"Eh, they're fine. They lost a bet to me, and now they each have to pay me a hundred bucks, hehe!" I stuck my tongue at him and he turned a little pink.  
"A-alright." Still the same as ever, I see. He must notice somethings wrong but knows to not press too far.  
"May I ask, why do you cover one eye?" This was the real question.  
"Oh this? N-no reason." He brushed back his silver hair and it revealed a shining teal eye. "A-ah. That's fine." I couldn't help but let the disappointment deep into my voice.  
"Um... but for some reason I feel like I can trust you and your friends, so..." she reached up and pulled a blue thing off an eye. "I wear a contact... one of my eyes is golden for some reason... and it has a white engraving on it..." "You're... a goddess..." I mumbled.  
"What?! How do you know that- follow me. All of you." We filed out of the booth and all the way to the back of the restaurant.  
"Who are you?" Elijah demanded.  
"Oh right~ intros." Ban smirked. "I'm Ban, pleasure."  
"I'm Harlequin, but you can call me King."

"Diane! I hope we can't be good friends!"

"Merlin."  
"Hello Elijah. I am Gowther."  
"Call me Escanor."  
"And... I'm Meliodas. Nice to meet you."  
"I-I meant... how'd you know..." he mumbled. "Cute. Well anyways, we're magical too!" He blushed after hearing the 'cute' part, then gasped afterwards.  
"Really?! I've never met... someone else like me!" He exclaimed.  
"Oh no, not like you." Merlin interjected. Elijah sent a confused glance our way.  
"Eh, well, me and my crew are all different races, isn't that neat?" I giggled. He nodded, tilting his head to the side.  
"I'm a doll." Gowther stated.  
"Human, but biologically immortal." Merlin smirked.  
"Human, but stronger." Escanor boasted.

"Immortal, forever and always." Ban drawled.

"Fairy." King nodded, resting his head back onto his pillow that had once again began floating as soon as we were out of sight.  
"Giant, but I have medicine that makes me small!" Diane cheered.  
"Uh... d-demon." I mumbled.  
"Cool!" He beamed and bowed to the whole of us.  
"Haha! Take that!" I yelled to the heavens. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy before someone sent the spell "ark" down at me. I side stepped and giggled.  
"Too slow."  
Everyone laughed at that.


	7. My Deepest Desire is to be Held by You

**A/N: So I don't ship Akutagawa and Dazai for the sole reason that it'd be a toxic ship. Dazai fucked up way too badly to deserve a relationship with poor little Aku~~ anYwAys, I do totally ship _Soukoku_ because it's adorable and has great potential to be a hurt/comfort fic. Oh crap I kinda wanna write one now... _NO_! Stay focused, I'm already neglecting my bnha x ass class fanfiction oops-**

"Senpai!"

Akutagawa's eyes flicked over to the source, greeted with his blonde companion. "Yes?"

Her eyes widened, and she sped up her pace towards the taller male. She had realized that they were too far away for casual conversation.

"Eh... Chuuya-sama wanted to see you. They brought in a recruit with the ability to project one's desires into some sort of imaginary reality. Mori-dono wanted to make sure no one was harboring any desires that could work against the mafia."

Akutagawa coughed twice, then stood up from his perch. "Thank you Higuchi-Chan."

"I-it's not a problem, Senpai!" She responded enthusiastically, watching his fading form with vigor.

When he was out of sight, she sighed. Her "biggest desire" as of the time being was apparently to be Akutagawa-Senpai's best friend.

The notion of such a childish wish brought a blush to the girl's cheeks. She shook it off and started heading back as well.

It took a while for the lanky mafioso to make his way back to the leader's den, but he walked briskly to the elevator.

The ride up was long and boring, and he recited the words he had to say in his head.

The metal doors slid open, and two guns were pointed at his chest.

"Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. I'm here to meet the recruit."

The answer was deemed specific enough, and he was let through with little prevention. He didn't expect anyone to put up a fight, but occasionally when there was a new hire, the bodyguards would find his answer too vague. It was usually a pain to get pass, and he had to kill one of them once.

He approached the door, nodding at yet another pair of men clad in black bulletproof gear.

They bowed in return and opened the double doors in a practiced motion.

His eyes took a while to become adjusted to the light, but when they did, he was greeted with the sight of six people.

Mori-san was standing behind his chair, which was currently being occupied by Elise-Chan.

Two bodyguards flanked them, and Chuuya-San stood in the corner of the room, reaching up every few minutes to adjust his hat or play with his styled hair.

"You wish to see me?"

"Yes, please take a seat."

Akutagawa did as told, and the stranger put his hands on both of the mafioso's shoulders.

"Close your eyes, and imagine a dark room. You can't hear anything but the dripping of water."

A bright light flashed throughout the room, and the boy with bi-colored hair fell limp.

He could see nothing, feel nothing. There was no sign of life other then the steady pattering of water.

He pushed down an urge to shout "hello?!" with the notion that this was merely a daydream.

"Ah? Akutagawa-kun! What are you doing here?"

The boy's head snapped towards the sound, greeted by the sight of his former mentor. (He didn't like saying former, just in case the brunette would drop Jinko and come back to the Port Mafia)

"D-Dazai san! What are you-"

"Doing here?"

He nodded slowly.

"I mean, this is _your_ fantasy, isn't it?" The bandaged man stuck his hands in his pocket, smirk on his face. "I think you should _know_ what I'm here for."

Akutagawa didn't reply.

"Don't make me wait, Akutagawa-kun. _What am I doing here_?"

"Y-you're here because- because... I want you to..." his sentence trailed off. The fact that this wasn't real didn't make it any less demeaning to admit to wanting someone's praise.

"You want me to what, Akutagawa-kun? How am I supposed to know if you don't tell me?" Dream Dazai-san tilted his head innocently, the only clue of knowledge being the smirk dancing on his lips. "Ah! Wait, do it like the meme."

"The... meme?"

"You know... notice me Senpai? But maybe..." Dazai cleared his throat, trying to impersonate the boy. "Notice me Dazai-San!"

Akutagawa's face flushed. It shouldn't be this hard to ask for recognition, but as soon as he looked at his superior's figure, the words froze up in his throat. It was absurd to think this way, he knew, this wasn't a _confession._

He wasn't asking for love, he was asking for... _what?_

What did he want with Dazai?

Attention was a given.

But after he got attention, he wasn't going to void himself of earthy desires. So..._ what did he actually want?_

"Dazai-San... what do I want?"

"Hmm? Oh, you're asking me now?"

Dream Dazai walked up to the boy, tilting his head up with his hand. "You want my approval. You want my attention, and you want my touch." He grinned cheerily. "You want my _love_."

"I want... _eh_?"

"You heard me, Akutagawa-kun. Doctor Dazai has diagnosed his cute ex-kohai with one sided love."

"One... sided... love?"

"You're so innocent, you know? You worked hard. You tried your hardest so that you didn't have to feel pain at my hands. You wanted me to smile at you, to assure you that you were amazing and that everything would be okay."

_Oh_. That made sense. That made a lot of sense. That explained things that he felt that he couldn't place.

He suddenly remembered why this was happening. "Then... is this a threat to the port mafia? Is something going to happen to me? Or- or you?"

"Don't worry~ I'm sure they won't hurt their wildcard. And targeting me would be declaring war with the whole ADA. Mori-san isn't that stupid."

"But-"

"Oh, calm down. I'm going to disappear soon anyways. This was only to place your desires, so you could possibly lie. Not only that, but the ability user isn't able to peek at other people's fantasies. Just tell them it was to beat Atsushi-kun or something, it's very viable."

"H-Hai..."

Dazai sauntered over to Akutagawa and kissed his cheek. "Bye bye, ex-kohai~!"

"G-g-gggggg... good-"

He was cut off by another flash of yellow light, this time bringing him back to the boss' room.

Mori-San was waiting, patting Elise's head. "Well? What'd you see?"

"I-I was fighting Atsushi-kun and I won. That's it."

Chuuya clicked his tongue from the corner of the room. "That's total bullshit, Akutagawa. What was _really_ happening in there?"

"I told you. I was-"

"No, no, I could've sworn that the thing you wanted the most was mackerel's praise. Or am I wrong?"

"..." he didn't reply in fear of his lie being called out.

The red-head grinned. "If that's all, boss, we'll get going now."

"Yeah, okay~ say, Elise-Chan, please try on this dress..."

The gravity manipulator tsked and dragged Akutagawa out of the room.

"How'd you know? That I was lying?"

"I'm your current Senpai. That means you spend a lot of time training with me. The only reason you hate Atsushi-kun is because Mackerel likes him more than you. If you wanna kill a plant, uproot it, don't just cut off it's leaves."

"Than what about you?"

"My desire?" Chuuya growled and started stalking away. "It was a lie. My desire wasn't my real desire."

"Did it involve Dazai-sama too?"

This time, Chuuya decided not to say anything.

(halfway across town, Dazai sneezed while listening to his favorite song - "suicide lovers")

-

-

-

-

(otherwise known as deepest desires lead to demise)


	8. Vaffanculo

**A/N: Ah crap, I cried making this... I kept remembering my cat that passed away years ago, and I ended up sobbing. (If you're watching me, wherever you are, hello. I'm doing fine. I made lots of friends, and I'm happy. I hope you are too. I miss you.) Sorry about that... anyways, the only reason I decided that this was a "one shot" was because I felt like I needed you all to suffer with me. Think of that special someone that has left you. Maybe if you're lucky, you don't have any deceased cherished ones. You can think of your favorite anime pairing, I guess, and turn this into angst. Get reading.**

Dear Diary,

_Vaffanculo_

.

An Italian word that means "I can't have enough of you".

Surprisingly, I learned about it in Spanish class. Kinda funny, huh?

It's a word I'd use to describe you.

I know, it's really sappy ;

It's true though. I can't imagine a world you aren't in. I can't fathom the thought of not seeing your face in the morning, and again in the afternoon.

I'm... only addressing you this directly because I don't let anyone else read my diary.

I left it in our secret spot, in any case, and no one goes there anymore.

That's where you found this, right?

Oh geez... it's getting hard to record this...

Tears are flowing down my face and obscuring my vision. I can't write properly if I can't see, right?

I... I just... I remembered all the times we'd meet here in the middle of the night.

Ha... haha... oh... oh god... we're growing up. We're... we're getting older, and growing into functioning adults. We have to work, have to pay, have to have kids of our own..:

I remember when I was just a elementary schooler.

I... I remember when I met _you_.

The memories that came sneaking back into my brain, so painful, so nostalgic, so _familiar_. They're making me cry.

Well, I'm very very sorry that I can't be with you right now. I'm sorry that _you_ can't be with _me_. _Unfortunately, I'm never going to see your smile again._

It's not voluntary, you should know that.

I'd give you the world if I could. I would do _anything_ for you. But I can't do this.

I can't smile at you when you're shining so bright.

I know how selfish I'm being, but please. Please, forget me and move on. I want you to be happy. Let me make this one selfish decision.

Before you leave, and probably burn this book, let me tell you something I never could before.

_I... I love you._

I'm not with you any longer, but I'll always be there in your dreams.

If you're ever lonely, please don't be. I'm there, just not in person.

I love you, and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that I had to do this to the both of us.

I'm sorry I had to had to break our partnership because of how selfish I was.

_I'm so sorry._

This is the last page in this diary. It wasn't easy for me to write it either.

If I'm being honest, I cried and I cried until tears wouldn't flow. I think my tear ducts are dry. This page is all you have left of me. Please leave me here and never look back. Burn this book. Move on. Grow up with your other friends. Find a lover. Keep shining, darling, and bathe the world in your light.

I'm not there, but don't give up. Don't cry, please. Stay strong and keep going. I know you can. You're the most determined person I know.

There's much more I used to fantasize about telling you, but that's not very relevant now.

You don't need to remember _me_. My favorite color, my favorite food, my happiest moments. Forget it all and keep moving.

I _know_ I'll remember you. Your smile, the face you make when you see something you're passionate about. The touch of your hand on my shoulder, the times we ran away together to just _be out here_ alone.

That's all I have to say.

Thank you for everything. I love you. I'm sorry. _Vaffanculo_.

This is the first and last time you'll hear this from me. Goodbye. _Goodbye, darling_.

I hope you're happy, I really do.

That's it for today.

Thank you for listening to little old me.

Dear Diary, farewell.


	9. Hai, Hai

**A/N: I know I've not been posting much recently, especially regarding my other story (ass class x bnha crossover) but I really haven't been feeling it... I'm just kinda mentally exhausted what with school and the prospect of a virus going around. Anyways, I've been rather obsessed with Bungou Stray Dogs recently, and after watching the Dead Apple movie, I've long since become an avid Soukoku shipper. Anyways, the title of this oneshot is "Stultus", a latin word that means fool. As always, I'd appreciate if you were to leave a positive or critical review, or maybe ask me to collaborate on a story (my DMs are open).**

Dazai skids to a stop in the alleyway, breaths coming in short bursts.

"Now... mind telling me.. why you're making all this ruckus?"

The stray ability user grins. "No. Have fun, though."

And before Dazai can even open his mouth to protest, a purple flash of light has him knocked out.

The purple fades to black, then to white. He wakes up next to a crate, and instantly recognizes the display.

This is the Port Mafia from four years ago. He's a _time traveler._

"Oy! Mackerel! You better not be slacking off again!"

His eyes whip over to the voice, spotting the short mafioso. "Ch..uuya?

"Yeah? What the fuck is wrong with you _now_? You look awfully haggled."

"Pht, as if you care," Dazai jokes, getting to his feet.

"Yeah, of course I care idiot. You're _literally_ my best friend and partner. I can tell something's wrong with you, spit it out."

And _oh_, he did not expect that answer. He's so used to the Chuuya that has four years of hatred and betrayal tainting his vision of him, not a Chuuya that can so easily read his emotions. With that in mind, he feels like the only thing he can do is lie. But wait, wasn't this the day before he ran away? Like hell he was going to stay and forsake meeting all of his new coworkers.

So, after a long pause, Dazai decides to drop his smile. "Chuuya. Run away with me."

"Hah? Are you high or some shit? You of all people, a mafia executive that enjoys hurting others, wants to run away from his perfect lifestyle?"

The bandaged man nods. "Believe it or not, I joined the mafia with a desire to live. I never found it. Oda- eh... my friend, told me that so long I was searching, I should might as well search in the light. I'm being serious, Chuuya. Run away with me."

The shortie went silent. He was still traumatized by the betrayal of the Sheep, if he was being honest with himself, and he wasn't quite mentally prepared to abandon things again. "Dazai... I-"

"I know you're going to say no," Dazai sighs. "To be honest, I'm not very happy." He looks up at the stars. "I don't want to live. But I think if anyone makes me stay attached to this world, it's you. I won't live very long if you don't come with me. So please."

"...have you told Akutagawa?"

"No."

"You should. I'll pack my bags. Meet me here tomorrow at the same time." He looked to the side. "For fucks sake, I'd rather go with you than not. You're the only person I have and I don't think I can bear losing you again. Now tell your cute little Kohai and pack your bags."

Dazai stared at his friend in astonishment. "Four years... four years, a blown up car, and a hell ton of alcohol, and you're telling me I could've just _asked_?"

"You better leave before you piss me off and I decide to change my mind, shitty Dazai. I can only frolic off with you into the sunset if you're acting _tolerable_."

"I'm going, I'm going!"

And for once, the breif happiness that blooms through the brunette's chest stays there. It doesn't disapear.

Four years, a blown up car, and gallons of alcohol.

Maybe he was a lost cause back then. Maybe he was too blind to see the loyalty that lied in his partner's eyes."

"Chuuya... thank you."

"Get going already!"

"Hai, hai~"


	10. Elise, who loves Dazai

**A/N: So I was just fucking around this morning then I was hit with a sudden thought. How different would Dazai's relationship be with the mafia if Elise adored him? Anyways, so that's how this haphazard fic was formed.**

The small blonde girl(?) had thrown a tantrum when Dazai had sent in a letter of resignation.

She screamed all night, and every single time Mori tried to comfort her by buying countless art supplies or sweets, she would keep kicking and hurdling insults.

It was then and there that Mori decided that he'd take the man back by force, whether it took one day or ten years.

After a fruitless attempt of trying to find the slippery brunette, he finally appeared. On the apposing side, no less, and Mori so desperately hoped that Elise-chan would give up her pining, but if anything, she started idolizing him even more.

"He had the guts to run away from your spindly self," she huffed, only paying half attention. "That's brave. You should try and be more like Dazai ani-san."

Right after that heartbreaking declaration, she demanded more sweets. Mori, with silent tears trailing down his face at her blatant disgust, complied almost immediately.

The next day, she was missing.

Elise-chan used her smarts and innocent appearance to hitchhike all the way from the Port Mafia to the Armed Detective Agency in less than two hours.

She puffed up in pride, and proudly strode through the doors.

The first thing that happened was that she bumped into a tall, silvered hair boy. "Watch it, kid," she huffed. "Your hair is already grey, you certainly don't need bumping intoa girl as cute as me to add on to your stress."

"U-uh... gomen.. asai...?"

She peered around the room, completely ignoring his confused apology, then pouted at the lack of a loud brunette.

"Ne, oniisan," she cooed.

Atsushi blinked in rapid befuddlement. She seemed so hostile before. "A-ano... how can I.. help you...?"

"Where's Dazai ani-san?"

He dropped the files he was holding. "E-e-e-eh?! Y-you're Dazai-san's s-s-s-sister?!

Instead of lying and just saying yes, or explaining the whole ordeal, she just shrugged and walked past him. He seemed too air-headed to be able to talk to her properly.

The thought that she was hungry crossed her mind quickly, and so she scanned the room once again, this time for snacks. She had little doubt that Dazai ani-san would bring her out for food if she asked, but she was feeling rather impatient, and whoever that boy with the black hair was seemed like a good target.

"Oniisannnnnn~"

He looked around in confusion before pointing to himself.

"Can you share some of your snacks with me?"

"Should I? Even though you're with the Mafia?"

She took a step back. "How did you-"

"Eh, I guess a few can't hurt." He tossed her a lollipop and a bag of chips. "What are you doing here, though?"

(Rampo already knew she was looking for Dazai but the girl seemed smart for her age and he didn't want her to be too wary of him.)

"No reason..."

"Alright," he hummed. What she said seemed to be the truth. She had, in fact, traveled half-way across the town to see Dazai for no reason. Little girls... they could drive your mind in circles.

With a bored glance, she realized that a pony-tailed man was staring at her.

"Creep! It's not polite to stare at a lady, you... you pervert!"

He looked confused, before his eyes widened. "No! No, no, you misunderstand! I- I was just wondering why you were looking for Dazai-kun!"

She heard the candy boy and some girl with a butterfly hair clip snickering at each other from the corner of the room.

The man, Kuniikida, she remembered, glared at them.

The door swung open after five seconds, and the silver haired boy (she didn't know who he was, he must've been a recent recruit) jumped to attention.

Elise wasn't paying much attention, until she heard the voice of the new addition.

"Maaaan... Atsushi-kun... I was just about to jump in front of the truck... but you just _had_ to save me in time!"

"Ani-san!" The blonde girl yelled, jumping up in joy and barreling into the brunette.

"Eh?" He held her at arm's length, and then his face broke into a grin. "Elise-chan~! What are you doing here? Eh... is-"

"Nopeee... the old man was being mean, so I ran away! You're much better then Mori, you know?"

Dazai's grin turned into a smirk almost instantly. "Ehehe~ I can only imagine the look on his face..." he widened his eyes, dramatically grasping his cheeks. "Elise-chan! Where are you?! My only joy... and she's gone!" He fell to the floor in mock despair, and Elise started giggling uncontrollably.

"Good girl, making him worry like that~.

He patted her head, and she smiled happily. _Dazai ani-san is so but better then that raggedy bag of bricks_.

The rest of the agency stared on in shock, and Kuniikida was finally the one to step forward.

"Dazai... you have a... little sister?"

The blonde and the brunette echanged a knowing look.

"Yup~! This is my little sister, Dazai Elise!"

She looked up at him innocently. "And who are you, mister pervert?"

Dazai almost burst out laughing right there on the spot. He almost never laughed genuinely, but having his second petite mafioso around brought a joy and sense of maternal instincts that he had been voided of for the past four years.

"I am Kuniikida Doppo. I wasn't aware that Dazai had any siblings." He offered a hand to shake, but Elise stared blankly at it. _Am I supposed to shake his hand? He should be kissing my knuckles!_

Dazai clicked his tongue and slapped away his colleague's outstretched arm. "That's not how you treat a lady, Kuniikida-kun! You're supposed to kiss her hand! How un-gentlemanly of you!"

"Ah! M-my apologies, Elise-cha- ano... should I call you Dazai-chan- or... or Elise-san?"

She spluttered in amusement. "Ani-san... what clueless co-workers you have."

Rampo huffed from the corner.

"I know! I stead Kuniikida-kun's wallet all the time. You should see his notebook of ideals!"

"You mean this?" She flashed him the green notebook.

"Wha- how did you-"

She grinned and flipped her straight, golden, hair, then pushed imaginary dust off her frilly and pink dress. "Oh, I dunno. Maybe it's because of the ability."

"A-ability? You have an ability too?"

Dazai snickered at his carelessness. She never said it was _her_ ability. She said it was "_the_" ability, in other words, her in general, as an output of Vita Sexualis (which in the ex-mafioso's opinion was a disgusting ability to have but it fit the pedo-lolita that was Mori Ougai to a tee)

"She tossed the notebook to the side, unwrapping Rampo's lollipop. "So are you gonna let the cat out of the bag yet, Ani-san?"

"Hmm," he thought. "Yeah, I think we've messed with them enough~"

She stood on a chair proudly. "Gather around, gather around."

The silver haired boy (Atsushi, Dazai mouthed at her) and Yosano took a seat next to their teammates. The boy who used light snow (his name was too long to remember) looked up from his computer as well.

Dazai put his hands on Elise's shoulders. "Thing is, we're not related. This is Elise-chan, the head of the Port Mafia's ability."

"Ability?" Yosano questioned.

"Ah~! I'm glad you asked, sensei! The head, Mori Ougai's ability is 'Vita Sexualis", the ability to manifest, design, and then order his creation to do whatever he feels. Other then that, the ability had free will."

"That's me!"

"Yeah, though, he's a real pervert. Elise is his 'type' because the bastard has a total lolita complex~"

Everyone silently processed that information, and right as Atsushi was about to say something, the door burst open, a line of armed men standing behind a red-head.

"Alright, we can do this the easy or hard way. Where's Elise-chan?"

Dazai turned around. "O... m.. g... it's Chuuya~"

"Tsk! Today is a bad day. The boss wakes me up at 7:00 AM just so he can complain about Elise missing, and now I have to see your goddamn annoying face!"

"Aww! Thank you, slug, it's nice to know I've been annoying you even without seeing you!"

"Don't pretend like you haven't re-ordered my wine every month. It's so fucking infuriating!"

"Hatrack... you wound me so! I haven't seen you in four years and this is how you treat me?"

Chuuya sighed, then ordered the men to stand down and go back. A few of them complained, quickly silenced my a glare from the angry executive. He invited himself in, then stood in the corner with his arms crossed. "Alright, you ants, where's Elise?"

"Ants? _Mon petite mafia_, you used to be so better at insults!"

"I-I'm sorry, what's happening?" Kuniikida croaked.

"A reunion! I'm sure he missed me, right Chuu~ ya?"

"No, I didn't. Shut up for once in your pathetic life, shitty Dazai. Just... give me Elise."

"I'm right here, loser!" The blonde huffed. "I'm not going back! Mori is so dry and boringgg..."

Chuuya shrugged. "I'll drag you back if I have to. I'm gonna get my ass handed to me on a silver platter if I don't retrieve you."

Elise hummed, and then slapped herself in the face, a red mark forming.

"What are you-"

She grinned, then looked up at the ceiling with sad puppy dog eyes. "M-Mori... C-C-Chuuya h-hit me!" Her eyes started watering, and before long she was sobbing.

The red-head pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Ma Chere~ you better back off, huh?"

The short man flipped his ex-partner off. "No _shit_, Sherlock. For fucks sake I don't get paid enough to babysit..."

**A/N: I don't know how to progress the story so I'll just end it here ^^; uhh if you wanna continue it though just PM me cuz I wanna read it~**


	11. Immortality is Bad

**A/N: HAHAHAAAAA y'all really thought I'd be making fanfiction about something other than Bungou Stray dogs for once NOPE! I have two more of them cued up... ya know, just a heads up. But yeah Author-chan wishes that she were more on top of things sometimes. Alas, the cruel gods of the world (or not I guess) have cursed me with a lazy body =_= hehe I'm kidding. I promise I'll try writing moreeeee don't hate me... does any one even read this trash? Or are y'all too focused on "The Assassin Hero" lol-**

Dazai commit ed suicide nearly daily.

Every single one of his attempts succeeded, yet he never died.

He _couldn't_ die.

He had been testing his limits as much as possible.

His injuries head about triple the speed they should've.

When he died, he came back in roughly thirty seconds.

His running theory was that as soon as he turned twenty his body started resetting every thirty seconds, but that was just stupid.

Next, he wondered if the time for his body was sped up, but that would only work in the case of the injuries.

So finally, he got bored and started drawing on his arm. The pen was red and it's ball pushed into his skin. admittedly, he could only draw on his hands, because the rest of his body was already in enough pain, so that's what he did.

He wrote "Kuniikida-kun should carry around a gun" and "Rampo-san would look funnier in a Sherlock hat".

The next day when he walked into the agency, exactly that had happened. Rampo now had a hat, and you could see the bulge of a taser in Kuniikida's belt.

So, naturally, Dazai started writing more.

He snatched a pen from Yosano-sensei's office, and wrote "The apple in my hand should turn into a red delicious apple".

A few seconds later, the crunchy fruit that used to be green turned into a vibrant shade of red.

He finally understood his ability.

He was _no longer human_. He was a god, a deity that granted the desires of those that carved their wishes into his skin.

That night, instead of putting uniform incisions in his wrist, he used his blade to write "I wish I could die".

He tried jumping off of the detective agency the next day, but all of his joints popped back into place after a while of sitting there in a bloody pile.

_Hmm..._

"I wish my clothes were clean" were the next words he wrote, using a pen he found in his pocket. His clothes suddenly looked as good as new, and smelled like they were fresh out of the laundry machine.

So he could affect the items around him, just not himself.

When he went to sleep that night, he told himself that he'd confide in Kuniikida the next morning.

He woke up and brushed his teeth, failed at hanging himself, took a shower, failed at bleeding to death, brushed his hair, managed to spray the mirror with a coat of blood, but unfortunately, he stayed alive.

He wondered if he could re-grow limbs using this new power, but quickly banished the thought. There was no way he was risking it.

Wait, could someone write on his detached limb..?

Oh, well, he'd leave the fruitless pondering for another time.


End file.
